Archive for February, 2003
Thursday, February 20th, 2003
To everyone I know – I would like to deeply apologize for the lack of friendship, trust, love, time, mind, thoughts, sincerity, influence, encouragement, support, humor, laughs, personality, liveliness, confidence, optimism, hope, help, smiles, and lastly, openness.
I feel like I haven’t got anything done this semester – my goals are fading off due to the fact that my mind seems to be preoccupied. I don’t know what it is – or maybe my mind doesn’t want me to admit so it won’t be found ever again.
Unfortunately, my laughs and smiles within the past few weeks have not been 100% mine because my emotions are on the brink of losing its capacity – I am always in deep thought, questioning every little detail of things that are happening and trying to analyze the meaning of them all. Futile – it never seems to appease my thoughts nor my mind so I am at a standoff of uncertainty and I admit it, I hate being in this standoff because it is going no where… and I absolutely hate it when everything that I don’t look forward to remain constant and everything that I look forward to or want desperately are no where in sight… pessimism has set in.
I am emotionally very very stingy – I am good at playing things off because my mind tells me to play it off until it has been played off, or until whatever I am playing off finally wins for once – very rarely but it does happen if you keep pushing – not so much one big hard push but more of the push that is steady and constant – because I am forced to keep this push in mind and the next time it happens, I can have a good response for it.
This entry in my ejournal is an admittance to the truth… I think I just betrayed my mind by typing what I did above. I want it to end, I want to turn it off and bring back my old free mind… how do I do that when this mind has me shackled to its door? how do i free myself?
i am in a bind and I’m afraid I am the one who put myself into this position.
sorry.
Posted in My Life | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
ever felt helpless toward elements of your environment that you want to tend to but don’t feel like there’s anything that you really could do to help it?
HELPLESSNESS
… is word for today.
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Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
Around 9:55am, in Daegu, South Korea – there seems to have been a random arson attack in a subway station. There are speculations by the South Korean law enforcement officials and also the city officials that a man in his mid-40s carrying a black bag with some kind of plastic container was playing with a cigarette lighter when an irritated elderly rider confronted him to stop and shoved him for his irritant behavior. Afterwards, the man dropped the lighter and reportedly, fire seemed to have spread through the train while other passengers of the subway realized there was a problem and tried to subdue the man’s actions.
According to reported news, the plastic container that the man had in his black bag contained highly flammable chemicals that probably caused the large destruction that seemed to have trapped the passengers and the subway employees. The latest death toll has been set at 120 and approximately 134 other were injured and are being treated. It has been reported that the man who is being suspected and questioned for this incident is mentally unstable and there have been no suspected motives for the incident.
Where is this world going to? It’s not enough that we had 9/11 and the threats of War in Iraq and North Korea? I’m fairly disgusted at the lives we live and also worry about the future that we will force ourselves and our children to live in…
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Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
so before I sleep – I need to blog – I have been pretty good with my blogging lately 
especially considering that at times before, I haven’t written anything in this eJournal/blog for weeks at a time.
I probably am bloggin’ a lot because I’m liking the new script I’m using – I’m planning on making it more user-friendly and visitor friendly… like implementing automatic smilies! 
I get bored of textual smilies and prefer the actual tiny icons of yellow smilies etc… I’ll get that done later.
anyways… I just found out that MT has a new version to upgrade to so ill just do that and continue this later…
ok, so 3 minutes late – MT has been upgraded to 2.62 – good stuff.
anyways, today was like any other monday – went to all my classes but only really paid attention in 2 – i seriously can’t seem to pay attention in Econ no matter how hard I try – maybe thats why I sucked on my first test?
blah- I got so much to say but I’m limiting myself on this thing… when I get bored in class, I start writing the most important thoughts in my head into my notebook and few days later, I read these paragraphs upon paragraphs of my thoughts and think to myself; why did I write this? it seems so childish yet some of the things I wrote still concerned my mind. How come I seem to think of gazillion different things at once? I can’t seem to focus anyone thought at a single second in time – it’s just jumbled up and mixed in with other thoughts.
So, I grabbed the Valentine’s Day edition of the Technique when I was at the library today and here’s a tidbit of an article by an anonymous columnist and his column named … Two Bits:
Traditionally, young ladies have been told that it is impolite to call a man out of fear of seeming like a wanton hussy. Ladies, that may not be the word Mom used when she told you that you should wait for the male to call, but that’s what she thought, or at least her mom taught her to think. Sadly, that advice does not hold for today’s Tech male.
While the Two Bits Man would never presume to assert that anyone is here to earn her MRS degree, the ravages of TBS (no, not the station on Techwood), either real or imagined, have left the otherwise eligible Tech man (Homo sapien technophilius) sadly lacking in many of the social skills that are so helpful in the propagation of the species. We at the Two Bits Research Institute would like to help the ladies deal with this maladaptation of an otherwise swell species.
Men at Tech have come to know a life without ever seeing the sun, or eating a vegetable. Spending seventy-two hours at a time in the CoC leaves the average technophilius male wanting for some personal hygiene skills and completely blind to the opposite sex. This is where the Two Bits Man jumps in with the first step to catching your Tech Man and reeling him in: Ask him out.
Tech men are obtuse, but asking him out is the conversational equivalent to running him over with a minivan and then tossing a water balloon in his face. He won’t know what hit him, but when you see him stunned gaze at you, you’re halfway to the alter. You don’t even have to have a romantic evening planning. “HEY YOU! Take me to Junior’s!” will work admirably.
For those not wanting to be so forward as to ask a Tech male, it is entirely possible to get a Tech male to ask you out. This isn’t as easy, but it is possible. To use a sporting analogy, sometimes you have to cast the lure and do a little trolling. One of the best ways to do this is share, or at least appear to share, some common interest. Walking into the CoC wearing a “/usr/sbin/girl” T-shirt would work, for example.
Of course, I’m a little turned on while I write this, just imagining a gal who would require me to have a shell account for access, but I know that some of you live in a happy icon world where the computer smiles back at you. If that’s the kinda gal that you are, give your Valentine a stuffed penguin. Sure, Joe Macho will tell you that he wouldn’t consider owning a stuffed animal, but you won’t find a single Tech guy without his own collection of cuddly OS mascots and trade show souvenirs.
…
So, there you have it…Getting a date with a Tech guy is incredibly easy, as easy as getting rejected by a Tech gal. With a little careful planning and innovative ways to use a corkscrew, a rubber band and an 8-track player, you too can have the technophilius of your dreams.
I have made bold the comments that were extremely funny (but yet… not too far from the truths )
read and enjoy, I shall type up the whole thing…
wait, I just remember Technique has an online edition and therefore they have everything online: here
OH – and don’t forget to check out shaftnews.com – a parody of Tech news created by students It’s hilarious!
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Monday, February 17th, 2003
It’s all a game – what am I going to do with this game? Do I seriously want to deal with the problems that might be caused by this game? Do I even have the time? energy? resources? motivation? confidence? I can’t tell and this is troubling my mind.
It’s all about the hows, whens, wheres, whats, whos, and whys – everyone would be set if that was already found and figured out.
Good luck finding and figuring yours out.
Posted in Time Out! | No Comments »
Monday, February 17th, 2003
A lot of things were on my mind while I was trying to overcome the effects of a cold or whatever that I got this past week… I set a lot of goals for myself in terms of school, work, interests, and learning about stuff that I’d like to do but not for school.
First of all – Georgia Tech has skewed my mindset from the beginning. I graduated from high school thinking I will have more time and more fun in college – away from the parents and the social interactions that I seemed to have blindly crawled through back in high school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents – they are part of the most important influences in my life: family – they will protect me and support my intentions as I to them and they are doing a great job in my opinion. High school seems like a blur to me – I didn’t retain that many friends from high school – that is partially my fault, I never reached out to them as I have been reaching out to some of my friends here at Tech; I never seemed to have given them by 100% trust and love as I should have. And the fact that I can no longer fairly compete with them in college as I did back in high school – where every assignment was the same, every classes, and every teachers, and almost every subject was exactly the same as others – you know who your competitions are… you know what level of intelligence you are classified under within that whole dumb IB program deal. I still wonder if the IB program was useful for me – I doubt it considering the fact that they focused mainly on the liberal side of education and the humanities – and where am I? A school that doesn’t care at all about the liberal arts and the humanities – just the cold hard facts and the cold hard science and mathematics. Anyways, I believe I have ranted about this before so I will stop myself now as it will seem like an excuse while I believe it’s the truth of the matter that I have to deal with daily.
There was another one of those high school student and parent tour things today on our campus – of course, we had those moments where we wanted to just joined the tour and start asking the poor defenseless tour guide the real questions that our parents nor we as soon-to-be students didn’t know to ask during FASET. It was even raining today – and when it rains here in the smack-down center of Atlanta, it really looks like a slum city – dark, cold, dirt-filled, etc. Although it is beautiful in my eyes when it is a great day out – sunny… and where the sun glints off those downtown buildings – just perfectly photogenic and all. And you wouldn’t believe how great it looks at the campanile when the fountains are turned on – the best time to be at tech is during fall and during spring – other times it will be either too cold, or too hot.
Anyways, no more crap about school – I’ll handle it okay I guess. So next, work – I finally got all my paperwork done for the school job that I got through my friends Scheibe and Chatty (thanks guys) so I’m officially a Student Assistant for the Electric & Computer Engineering department here at Georgia Tech! You can look me up in the GT directory if you want proof (http://www.gatech.edu/directories/) The pay isn’t much but I’m getting the experience that I need on my resume – it’s no internship or Coop program but it’s a legitimate job at a great Institute – so I’ll have no problems about that – it’s a job where there will be a steady flow of money instead of trying to find clients to do development work for.
I have some interesting plans for this summer – definitely gonna have to do some official paperwork when I get home so I can setup some of the different services I will be offering – I hope my personal business will be all setup and running by then – that’s one of my goals this time around – I will be making small reserve for the money I will be needing for this goal starting now and putting the rest of my money for my tuition for Tech. Since I don’t want to get my personal blog involved in my business stuff – I am most likely not going to give any more details Sorry, you can ask me if you really want to do though (although if I don’t want to tell you, I won’t).
I seemed to have also changed my priorities and interests around a bit – the girl of my interest *ahem* isn’t what I think about all the time anymore therefore, she has dropped down on my list of interests – this is possibly due to the fact that I wanted to get her image out of her mind as this was the only thing that I was thinking about for a lonnnggg time (sad, isn’t it? ) But I talked to her and I will talk to her again soon (she seems a bit shy – im just gonna have to start taking more initiatives to start up a conversation with her… yea, don’t give me that ‘awwwwww!’ crap). I seemed to have seeked major help with that whole issue but I realize now that no one can really help me but only encourage me from the sidelines.
so those are the top things that are on my mind as of this past week – the weather has been really weird lately – it rained today and it just sucked – didn’t it rain or something last weekend too? Geez, can’t we have a whole weekend where the sun is shining brightly so that I can sit outside and enjoy the warmth of the sun with a t-shirt and shorts on? oh right… last weekend, I spent my entire saturday night and sunday doing CS crap. damn that CS class – oh well, I still like it better then the DSP class I had to take last semester.
g’nite – gonna try to wake up at 5:45am to go to SAC to workout. sweet dreams!
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