a blog of sorts that is never consistently updated
What do you think about a façade?
I think there are positive and negative elements to it. But my question is… can either the positive or negative element offset the other? If so, how do you figure that?
What kind of façade do you put on? Does it change ever? If so, to whom does it change and how? What triggers the change? Is it something noticeable or very subtle?
For the past 13 hours, I’ve been working on school work for two different classes.
1. Databases
It’s an elective I chose because I thought I knew databases and it would be relatively easy. Wrong. The project has taken forever to complete (it felt like it anyway) and after my last class today, I thought our group meeting was supposed to be just testing out our project to see if it worked right for the demo the next day (today technically). I expected to be at the lab for about an hour… I was there 8 hours take away about an hour we took to grab dinner together. Talk about debugging like crazy on the fly…
2. Circuits
I got back from the project meeting at midnight. I started working on our last optional take-home quiz. Took me 5 hours straight to get it done… and it’s only two questions with two parts for each question. You should see some of the freaking number conversions I have to do to get to a point at which point I can start working on pulling out an answer. The algebra on the second question was just like take a complex polynomial that has fractions of fractions of an imaginary number and multiply that by another complex polynomial that looks similar to the previous. Then the entire thing becomes a gigantic fraction itself in which I have to try to simplify the equation further. This requiring me to multiply the entire thing by the crazy denominator which is also a complex polynomial that has fractions.
I sleep for 3 hours now before I have to turn in the crazy take-home quiz, do a code-off, take an oral exam, and demo the databases project to a TA for a grade that will ultimately be 10 times less than it really should be because the TA has a bad friggin’ day.
Wish me luck. 
It’s too bright in Atlanta. I can hardly see the stars at night. I love just looking up at the starlit sky at night back at home. It’s so quiet and peaceful. The stars emit a dreamy illumination that just keeps me at calm. I just want to lay down on a grassy knoll and look up into the sky.
I want to see the stars and I want the stars to see me. The stars shows me that we are always being watched over… in darkness and even in light because the stars are always out there, even if you can’t see them during the day. Likewise, God is always out there watching over us… even if you can’t see him.
God made two great lights- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness.
I know my faith hasn’t been the strong point in my life. I’ve never really admitted/realized this until about a year ago. I suppose the trigger was many different things… an evaluation of my life and how it seems to affect my emotional, mental, and physical state for one. New people I met and befriended whom have the strongest faith I’ve ever seen… which made me see the goodness in current and old friends who have this great faith.
I’ve tried very hard to strengthen my faith and several of my friends have helped me so much within the past year. Within the past few months, I’ve seemed to have lost this help… I think I unknowingly shied away from them. I’m guessing they got tired of waiting for me so they’ve given up on me. I don’t blame them – it’s completely understandable and it’s just all my fault. I had several hands but I let go all of them… maybe I was arrogantly thinking I could do it on my own. I hope they are not disappointed in me.
This caused me to stray away and have doubts. Is this normal to have doubts? I have so many questions and I want to learn so much. Would I be ridiculed if I question my own beliefs? I’m too scared to reach out a hand for help… One of my many weaknesses: asking for help. I’m too scared to take the initiative; I just have my eyes closed tight until I’m guided by someone that can lead me.
I love telling stories of what I am thinking and feeling on my blog. It provides a good history of my emotions without me trying to be too sentimental to a single piece of memory or anything. It also links to older memories – especially like this particular narrative that made me nostalgic twice within the past couple of weeks.
Two weeks ago or so, I was walking to class. Then I saw someone that looked exactly like a friend I knew back at home… way back in the high school days. Same build, height, hair color, facial shape, eyes, nose, mouth, smile, posture… This person was so exactly like the one I knew back home that I had to shake my head and take a second look.
I knew this was a different person mainly because I know they aren’t at Tech. It’s a bit amazing how some people just look alike. It gave me a moment where I had to look around to see where I was because there were so many memories that came back to me all at the same time. One mental image from my past creating a domino effect of hundreds of other mental images.
All the good, scary, embarassing, exciting, and old memories…
So I haven’t been blogging much lately… not because I don’t have time or anything cool like that but because I can’t think of anything to write about. Obviously, I’m not those type of people that has something exciting going on every minute of life. I’d feel lucky if I had something exciting going on once a week even!
Anyways, I’ve been busy with school work, group projects, and work. That’s all that has been happening for the past couple of weeks. I don’t expect anything different for the next 3 couple of weeks until summer officially starts… except a bit more stress and high amounts of studying for finals and preparing presentations.
Fun. :-/
This is from my old blog way back when alpha-digital.com was still running, it says it’s a questionnaire I took from Tony’s xanga 
I’ve read some of the stuff over and edited parts of it that are relevant to recent times… some of my thoughts also have changed completely. Pretty interesting to see the changes from 6th October, 2002 to now…
General
name- John Han Hwang
nicknames- norkor, lil’ john (what?), jello
shoe size- 9.5
age- 21
where do you live- 8th st west, Georgia Tech
birthplace- in-cheon, South Korea
nationality: former citizen of South Korea, naturlized US citizen
favorite salad dressing- italian and ranch
skinny dipping?- into a beautiful lake.
last person you talked to- my mom
favorite movie- Shawshank Redemption (who doesn’t like it?)
favorite book- … can’t say I like one specific book…
favorite type of music- i like all kinds of music so not a very fair question!
favorite type of cars- just one that runs okay
favorite saying- “crap.”
favorite fast food- Jersey Mike’s Subs… hmmmm mmmm good.
favorite ice cream- ben & jerry’s chunky munkey
favorite alcoholic drink- shots of stuff… beer just sucks.
when do you go to sleep- usually around 1-3am.
most embarrassing moment- so I was on this date with this girl I liked right… and (voice trailing off) *ahem*
stupidest person you know- everyone i know is smart, as far as i know
craziest person you know- Georgia Tech Goldfellas 
favorite holiday- Christmas cause it’s my birthday
favorite food- the kind that taste good, you know?
favorite song- Mozart’s 25th Symphony in G minor
favorite tv show- CSI shows are interesting
favorite junk food- soda
favorite sappy love song- John Mayer’s Love song for No One
favorite color- I like Gooooold… GO TECH!!!!!
favorite sneakers- Nike’s or Adidas
The Future
school- Georgia Tech until I graduate (I’m hoping)
where you want to live- developed suburb and about 30 mile from a moderate sized city
how many kids you want- 2
what kind of job you want- one that I’ll have complete control over (owner)
Have you ever…
been in jail- no
done drugs- no (unless headache meds count)
gotten drunk- yes
cheated on a test- yes, in elementary school, sheesh… sorry!
lied- yes
stolen anything- yes
broken a bone- not yet
hit a girl- playfully, yes… for real, no.
cheated on a boy/girlfriend- no
been w 2 guys/girls at once- hmm, no.
been in the hospital- yes
fell asleep in the shower/bath- no
gone to church- yes
never slept during a night- yes, on numerous occasions
been on a motorcycle/motorbike- yes
been to a camp- yes
sat in a restaurant without ordering- yes
seen someone die- on TV but not in real life
gone a week w/out shaving- yes, i think i went about like 13 years without shaving
didn’t wash your hair for a week- i don’t remember having no water for a week, so no.
broken something valuable- yes, my first watch
thought you were in love- I’m always in love, you just don’t know it
streaked the streets- no, but I see one every Finals week.
said i love you and meant it- why would you say I love you and not mean it? That kind of thing boggles my mind…
been hurt by a guy/girl you loved- physically, no. emotionally, yes
stayed up until 4 am on the phone- no and i don’t plan on keeping someone from blissful sleep
Which is better…
coke/pepsi- i can drink either one, but i prefer classic coke.
cats/dogs- DOG! cat’s are just boring to me
dvd/vhs- DVD
deaf/blind- if it has to be, I’d choose deafness because there is so much beauty in this world that I don’t want to miss out on
pools/hot tubs- depends on the company
tv/radio- TV
cds/mp3s- mp3s
gap/old navy- aren’t they the same thing… old navy has more commercials tho…
When was the last time you…
took a shower- yesterday at around 4pm.
cried- like 4 weeks ago from today :’-(
watched a disney movie- last summer, i guess…
given/gotten a hug- not enough lately… 
been to the movies- watched Dawn of the Dead like 2 weeks ago.
What is…
your fondest memory of this year- Georgia Tech’s road to its first NCAA Basketball Championship game
the thing that makes you happiest- blissful ignorance… but this ain’t happening any time soon.
your favorite food for breakfast- orange juice and some frosted flakes
your favorite food for dinner- some kind of steak… like a medium well T-bone or something and salad with italian dressing… hmmm mmm.
your ideal bf/gf- someone I can talk to for hours on end without being bored or im boring.
What do you think about
bill clinton- interns.
love at first sight- superficial?
abortion- murderous? eh, too argumentative.
teenage smoking- *choking and waving hands* whatever you want to do… but don’t take peer pressure
eating disorders- girl (or i guess guys too), you look perfect from where I’m standing. Don’t let others get to you.
rap- goods to test my speakers 
marilyn manson- is this the cultish killer or the ‘musical artist’? don’t know and don’t care.
premarital sex- do whatever you want… again, just don’t be pressured into something stupid.
suicide- the idea and word should be crossed from human history
drinking- just as long as you know your limits.
life- my goal is to find the answer… the question… why does life exist?
death- don’t wait for it… enjoy life
God- I pray nightly and God lives within us all.
Random Questions
what are your favorite forms of jewelry? jewelry… i don’t wear any jewelry
have you ever liked someone too young for you? i don’t think so…
do you think you have multiple personalities? yes, my friendly personality and my ignore all personality… most everyone has to see my ignore all personality for some time before they see my friendly personality i think
ever walked in on someone changing or showering? just changing… but no biggie
what is the first thing you say on the phone? “Hello.” or “Yellow?”
what are you wearing? a blue t-shirt, and elastic GT shorts
what did you do yesterday? classes, group meeting, and work
who was your last crush- someone I still wish I knew better. blah~!
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