Stars.
April 18th, 2004 | by john |It’s too bright in Atlanta. I can hardly see the stars at night. I love just looking up at the starlit sky at night back at home. It’s so quiet and peaceful. The stars emit a dreamy illumination that just keeps me at calm. I just want to lay down on a grassy knoll and look up into the sky.
I want to see the stars and I want the stars to see me. The stars shows me that we are always being watched over… in darkness and even in light because the stars are always out there, even if you can’t see them during the day. Likewise, God is always out there watching over us… even if you can’t see him.
God made two great lights- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness.
I know my faith hasn’t been the strong point in my life. I’ve never really admitted/realized this until about a year ago. I suppose the trigger was many different things… an evaluation of my life and how it seems to affect my emotional, mental, and physical state for one. New people I met and befriended whom have the strongest faith I’ve ever seen… which made me see the goodness in current and old friends who have this great faith.
I’ve tried very hard to strengthen my faith and several of my friends have helped me so much within the past year. Within the past few months, I’ve seemed to have lost this help… I think I unknowingly shied away from them. I’m guessing they got tired of waiting for me so they’ve given up on me. I don’t blame them – it’s completely understandable and it’s just all my fault. I had several hands but I let go all of them… maybe I was arrogantly thinking I could do it on my own. I hope they are not disappointed in me.
This caused me to stray away and have doubts. Is this normal to have doubts? I have so many questions and I want to learn so much. Would I be ridiculed if I question my own beliefs? I’m too scared to reach out a hand for help… One of my many weaknesses: asking for help. I’m too scared to take the initiative; I just have my eyes closed tight until I’m guided by someone that can lead me.
