God’s Curveballs.
March 18th, 2005 | by john |Never know what God is going to throw at you; he’s a great pitcher in a baseball game that is life. I’m mistaken, of course, as God’ intentions are not to strike you out. His benevolence is inspiring yet sometimes, I can’t seem to describe it with any other word than ‘ironic’.
God threw a pretty nasty knuckle ball at me which lasted two weeks. I am still breathing; my head is still thinking away; I am still here. He’s got a pretty cryptic smile; as if he knew I would finally grasped his intentions. I went on with faith and swung away! The ball grazed the top edge of the bat and flung off far behind me. I half expected the bat to break off; shattering whatever confidence I have left in myself – losing whatever I gained in the first eighteen years of my life with one swing. But no, the bat reverberated in my hands. It was close to the sweet spot, a centimeter lower toward the center of the bat and I wouldn’t have felt anything at all. It would have felt like a newly paved road.
I have to readjust my helmet, grab the neck of the bat with my left hand, and tightly adjust my right hand on top of the left. Then close my eyes and twist the bat hard around my grasp to at least temporarily increase the friction; now, be still and open my eyes. This will be God’s 8,114th pitch to me; he never gives up on me. I’m not going to give up hitting one out of the park one of these days.
God’s trying to teach me something. Actually, I think he’s been trying to teach me something for the past several years but I haven’t grasped it yet. Perhaps, I did grasp it but don’t want to embrace it? No, that’s not possible – how would I deny such didacticism?
My faith has diminished – most likely due to the choices I have made this semester and the last. I tried to keep myself busy and surely enough, I’ve succeeded with flying colors. If I had to give you a number, it seems to be down to about 40%. My faith was strongest during the first semester of my Junior year. Then, a lot of different friends reached out and held onto me… as circumstances changed, I’ve pushed them away. Who can explain it? No one. It’s really an automated defense mechanism, something not innate but just maybe because of history. I never let anyone or let myself get personal anymore. My outer shell remains intact. God is the only one who knows me well; there is no question about that. Let only he make judgement on me.
